Man is least himself when he talks in his own person…..

Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. I like to think that Oscar Wilde would view an internet blog as a form of mask. In a bid for honesty, it has been rough week, with yet another couple of trips into hospital mainly for IV fluids for dehydration. It might be the plasmalyte talking but I think I am now starting to feel a bit more like myself. This latest bout of illness knocked me off my feet completely. Though my husband said it has been much quieter, personally I don’t know what he is trying to say J. I hate getting down about everything and feeling sorry for myself, I have absolutely no tolerance for moping, especially when it’s me doing it. I am a very firm believer in the fact that you have control of your life and you are the only person who can change it. Obviously sometimes things happen, illness, injury etc but it’s how you deal with it, how you fight it that matters and sitting about feeling sorry for myself is not going to get me anywhere apart from a very bad road that I do not want to go down. So it is time to stop, recognise it has been a rough week and move on.

A funny thing happens when you spend too much time alone, you start talking too much to people who you don’t really know. I would imagine this is the same thing that happens when you retire. You see I was used to seeing people on the train, at work, at home, going out and rarely getting a moments peace. Now all I have is peace, the only people I see are doctors, nurses and my close family and friends, most of whom are medics. My family and friends are lovely so of course they want to know how I am, so I end up in a perpetual loop of just talking about my health, sometimes in more detail than I would like, anyone with friends or loved who are in the medical profession will know what I mean, there are no boundaries and no inappropriate places to have these conversation only with a medic do end up talking about vomit over dinner. Even my PhD is a research based project, which I do on my own at a computer, I never have to go to university for lectures.

To try and do something different I was learning the Viola, unfortunately I have had to stop that for the time being, dislocating shoulders and violas don’t mix. So here it is, my life the perpetual loop of health talk, even this blog is about me and my health I am starting to feel more self-centered than a gyroscope. My works occupational health have suggested maybe seeing a counsellor but I feel I am dealing ok with the changes in my life and frankly I am not sure I can talk about myself anymore, I fear my head may explode.

So in a bid to do something, I want to try and do something good and worthwhile, not straying too much from the wonderful subject of my heart. There is a charity in West Berkshire called Heartstart Thatcham. They do an amazing job of training people in the community in emergency life-saving skills and putting in defibrillators across communities in the West Berkshire area. They are affiliated with the British Heart Foundation Heartstart scheme but are an independent charity and of course as a local independent charity do not get the focus that the bigger national charities get. If you are interested please take a look at their website I am not sure yet what I can do to help, but I am going to give it some thought and as a start I will be putting the £30 I would normally spend on Christmas Cards towards the charity. At the moment they are still in the process of setting up just giving, so once that is done I will be encouraging anyone who reads this, if they would like to get involved to do the same. As previously mentioned my cardiologist has confirmed I am not eligible for an ICD so I for one feel I can rest a little easier knowing that there are people trained in CPR and defibs out in the community, just in case.

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