Place your bets please!

To begin I will finish the story from last week. I have had the results of the biopsy and everything is fine. I need to go back again in 6 weeks for another ultrasound and biopsy, but so far so good.

This week, I got to see my two favourite doctors in one day – I have to say that, they both have the website details for this blog. Firstly I saw my lovely cardiologist this week, who actually gave me a really nice complement about how well I have been dealing with this. Also things seem to be stable (for me) with my heart - what that means in reality is between 15-25 angina attacks a day of varying strength and duration. The good news is that the erratic heart rates seem to have settled down, so as I said for me, stable. I then saw my wonderful pain management consultant who talked me through the cervical and lumbar spinal scan. From previous posts we knew about the lumbar spine and the pars defect and slipped disc. There is also two discs that are leaking fluid. The cervical spine shows osteoarthritis and narrowing, there is nothing that can be done about the cervical spine but if the lumbar spine gets bad enough we can look at doing spinal fusion. We agreed to put that off for as long as possible. I do not relish the idea of people mucking about with my spine.

I have been talking to one of my oldest (not in age but in longevity) friends this week. It was a conversation over email as we now live a hundred or so miles from each other. It is amazing how quickly time goes by and I found myself in a situation where I was talking to a friend who actually had no idea about any of the last 2 years or that my health was even an issue. Strangely it made me a little sad, firstly because I realised just how long it had been since I had had a proper conversation with my friend and secondly because I felt for a brief moment like I had my life back. A little like when you are grieving and for a brief second when you first wake up you don’t remember and it’s all ok until you wake up a little more and it all comes back to you. Then somehow I had to explain the last couple of years, I must confess I chickened out a bit and took the easy way, I sent a link to this blog. I didn’t even know where to start, hopefully we are actually going to meet up next week, which will be lovely.

Something I am noticing more and more is friends, family are moving forward with their lives and at the moment I very much feel like I am stuck in limbo. This also goes hand in hand with the feeling that I need to do something worthwhile and leave a legacy. Maybe it’s a good sign that I should do some PhD work as, with one thing and another, it’s been a couple of months since I have done any. Next week brings only one appointment so hopefully I can get some studying done. The appointment is with a knee consultant, my knee caps are hypermobile and I am now getting a lot of pain (with the amount of pain killers I am on, I am sometimes surprised I can feel anything!). So next week will be x-rays and a chat about both knees – bets on whether or not I am heading for knee surgery before the elbow op. I know what my money is on!

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